The Answers to your FAQ'ing Questions, Already!

All right, all right.  So you're thinking about buying stuff, but you have questions and you can't seem to find the answers.   Cool.   Read through this list, and if you still don't know the answer then you're hopeless e-mail Coy for help.

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The Simple Stuff:

How much is shipping? If you buy a product that needs to be mailed, the cost is 99 cents per item. Anything that doesn't have to be shipped, like custom writing, etc., has no shipping cost. No, not even the 99-cents-per-item thing.

What Happens if the Stuff Sucks? If you buy a product and don't like it, send it back. You have 30 days from shipment to decide. Ask me (Coy) for a return-code, slap that baby on the box, and ship the stuff back in new, resellable condition. If it's not in that condition, guess what--your refund gets reduced to compensate for the wear-and-tear.

How do I know you won't steal my money? Don't be an idiot. I never see the money. It goes to a reputable company, Dreaming Gates, which has been in business since 1996 and is verified, approved, yadda yadda whatever. They process the order then pay me a commission (in Coychow). What's a coyote going to do with money? Eat it? ...And besides, if I took your money that would be REALLY stupid, considering anybody can find me with the info on this website. Hello!

Can I eat your incense? Sure! You can eat anything on the website. You'll DIE of course, but I can't stop you from eating it.

Are you really a coyote? Yes. Next question.

If you're a coyote, how do you type? I have voice-recognition software. On to the hard stuff! -->

The Hard Stuff

If you write something for me, who owns the copyright? If I create it, by law I own the copyright. Can I transfer the copyright? Yes. Do I usually do so? No.

Can I use something for commercial purposes? Not without a side-agreement. The prices listed for custom writing, artwork, etc. are for non-commercial use only. If you want to sell the product, or use it in conjunction with any business venture, you must negotiate a contract defining the rights and royalties that go with the piece.

So what do I really get for my money? You get a clean, reasonably error-free product customised to your specifications and requirements. You get the right to display and use your purchased product for an unlimited time, so long as it is personal (non-commercial) use that follows the tenets of the Website License Agreement.

What happens if I ignore this junk and use the product for commercial purposes anyway? Then I get to sue you. Or bite you. Or maybe both; it depends on my mood. And afterward, you get to pay me a serious chunk of any money you've made with my intellectual property, plus penal fees and court costs. So... you might want to think about negotiating that contract I mentioned two questions above this.

What if I change the product? Is it mine, then? Ooooh, tricky question, and one usually settled in court. For simplicity's sake, let's not do that, okay? It would just be way easier to make a simple side-agreement / contract for commercial purposes. Probably be cheaper, too.

Hey, my girlfriend wants to print up like twenty copies of your poem and give them out to friends! Okay, fine. That's non-commercial use if she gives them out free. You need to make sure my name is on it, however, and that the other provisions of the License Agreement are met.

Hey, my girlfriend wants to print up like a hundred copies of your poem and sell it. Um, no. That's commercial use, and you have to negotiate a simple contract with me before you do it.

What does "intellectual property" mean? I'm not a lawyer, so this isn't the official, legal kind of definition. But in a nutshell: intellectual property is anything that a person has thought up and put down on paper. It can be anything from a unique stick-figure to a strings sonata in D-minor to the blueprints for a killer space-station that also browns muffins. Regardless of -what- it is, the person who created it, owns it. If you steal it, bad bad mojo ensues, and then usually court cases and crying and, well, it's just a big mess so don't do it.